American Kim Powell wants to ditch the US for an Aussie bloke and is currently screening applications for an Australian husband.
HEY Australia, how's it going?
I know this seems a bit out of the blue, but can I come live with you for a little bit? Things have gotten a bit rocky over here and I just need a couch to crash on until things smooth over. I'll even pitch in for groceries, including the Vegemite. Cool?
For the past five years, I've lived in Hoboken, NJ. It's a dense little neighbourhood bordering Manhattan and I absolutely love New York City. The bagels are fantastic, culture is everywhere, and we embrace all that is eclectic and unique.
However, since November, I've been questioning the values of the United States and where we are heading as a country.
I thought we stood for something more free, more transparent, and more about human rights for all. Then, on Friday, I watched the inauguration. It rained. The crowds were thin. George Bush fought with a poncho. My heart sank.
So, I know I'm asking a lot to come stay over. And I know I've pictured Australia as this uninhabited place on the other side of the globe where your toilets flush backwards, the platypus is really just a long-standing inside joke, and most insects are bigger than the average two year old.
But, if I can come hang with you guys for oh, say, the next 4-8 years, I'll try my best to fit right in.
I'll join you for a swim in your jelly-fish and shark infested waters, no questions asked. After all, a jelly-fish sting doesn't seem half as bad as a backyard abortion, which will likely become a necessity after women in the US lose their ability to make their own health care decisions. Not to mention access to cancer, STI testing and family planning education too. You have free socialised health care over there, right?
I also checked the weather; it's 32 degrees in Brisbane and 25 in Sydney. With all the wind and snow currently in New York, summer in January seems like a nice change!
You probably have fantastic outdoor weddings this time of year. You might even be getting closer to same-sex ones, which may no longer be possible here given the Vice President's track record against LGBT rights. A backyard wedding full of Fosters, kangaroo burgers, and unprosecuted people sounds lovely!
I'm also excited to learn some of that cool Aussie slang. It seems like a better use of my time than bothering to learn all these new concepts like "alternative facts" and "fake news" that have become the standard of what the new White House seems to rely on.
As silly as "fair suck of the sav" or "ridgy-didge" sounds to me, it probably still makes more sense than a Trump tweet or Kellyanne Conway argument.
I could go on, but what it really comes down to for me is the blatant disregard for the responsibility that always comes with power.
It is the constant assentation of one man's ego. It is that we are being told easily disproven information by our press secretary and expected to believe it.
We are hiring people with no experience for our most important cabinet positions. Top officials are riddled with conflicts of interest. Ethics standards aren't taken seriously.
It is the blaming of Democrats, immigrants, and foreign policy for every problem. It is the inability to work together to offer new, inclusive solutions.
In the end, a day spent visiting a giant rock, eating shrimp on the barbie or even getting bitten by a shark sounds perfect in comparison.
Kim Powell, 31, lives with a roommate and two cats and is currently screening applications for an Australian husband. She will be visiting Australia for the first time this February.
If you're in Cairns, Sunshine Coast, Brisbane or Sydney - email your applications to KimberlyPowell1@yahoo.com
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